Biblical Marriage- Sin’s Destruction

***This is the second article in a series. They are written to build upon one another. If you have not read the first article, please read it here and then come back to this one***


I dare say that there is not a person who will read this writing who has not felt the pain of divorce in one way or another. Perhaps you have gone through a divorce, or your parents, or a close friend. Divorce’s sting tends to affect us all. Which sometimes makes discussing these issues difficult. However, personal experiences and the emotions that go along with them are not the only things that make these topics difficult. 

The fact that we sometimes tend to use the Bible as a resource book, (when we have a question, we search a keyword and read a few verses looking for the answer) can impact/distort our understanding of the narrative of scripture. Before we jump right to “what does the Bible say about my situation?” We need to walk through the story of scripture together on the topic, so that we feel the weight of the fall. Before we jump to a discussion of the words of Jesus or Paul in the NT, we must see what the world developed into, leading up to their discussions.

We covered in our first article, what God’s design was for marriage. One man was joined to one woman, and they were to “hold fast” to each other (Gen 2:24). Something terrible happened in the very next chapter of the Bible. Sin entered the world. 

The world was no longer pure. The earth was now going to be hard to work. Pain and death were now a normal part of life on this planet. Where there used to be peace, now there was strife. Along with all the other corruption, marriage was also under attack. 

Polygamy


Polygamy was a common sight in the Old Testament. We don’t make it very far (Gen 4) before we read of Lamech (a descendant of Cain) who had two wives. You are no doubt aware of the fact that many of our Bible heroes had multiple wives. 

Perhaps the most infamous was King Solomon.  1 Kings 11:3 states that He had 700 wives and 300 concubines! Most other men we read about were not anywhere close to that, as this is certainly an extreme example. One thing is clear, people were a long ways away from the “one flesh” relationship that God designed in Genesis 2.

Unfaithfulness


Not only do we see polygamy as fairly commonplace in our reading of the OT, but we also see that unfaithfulness to one’s spouse was rampant as well. Not only was sexual unfaithfulness not tolerated by God, it was condemned in the strongest possible way. Consider the writing in the law…

Deuteronomy 22:22 ESV

22 “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

Scripture refers to sexual unfaithfulness to a spouse as “evil”. Unfortunately, so many within our world today have experienced this evil firsthand. Under the old law, notice what the punishment would be for someone who was caught in this sin… death. The mere fact that there was a law concerning this punishment lets us know that this was a problem that had already been taking place.

Divorce:


Not only do we see countless examples of polygamy, (even by men after God’s own heart), and unfaithfulness in the Old Testament, but we also see divorce. Perhaps one of the most well known OT texts concerning divorce is found in Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 (ESV)

1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.


Let’s spend a few moments examining this text together. 

“When a man” – Lets us know that Moses is not commanding divorce. Moses is simply describing a situation that was already happening in culture. Moses was not commanding divorce for any reason, rather he was giving some restrictions to a practice that was already taking place.

“Some indecency”– Countless volumes have been written concerning what exactly is meant by “some indecency”. Some assert that what Moses was speaking about was sexual unfaithfulness. This thinking is brought on by the meaning of the Hebrew word עֶרְוָה ʿěr·wā(h),and it’s association with nakedness. Others believe that Moses was not likely referring to sexual unfaithfulness because in Deut 22:22 of the same book, Moses wrote that those who are sexually unfaithful should be put to death. This phrase is a little ambiguous and has caused great difficulty not only in our minds as we attempt to study it, but as we will see when we get into the NT, it caused a great deal of debate amongst the Jewish leaders. We will delve into this more in future articles, but for now, let’s stay focused on what Moses was saying. 

“another man’s wife”– Regardless of what was meant by  “some indecency”, what is clear is that in this scenario that Moses was describing, this woman who had the certificate of divorce (which freed and protected her from her first husband) is now another man’s wife. Moses, then continues the scenario to get to his point. 

“Then her former husband” – In this woman’s new marriage it ends tragically. Either by divorce or death. The reason for the end of this marriage is not important, because that isn’t the point Moses was making. The point that Moses was making is that if a man divorces his wife, and then she goes and marries someone else, and then that marriage ends for one reason or another, the first husband cannot get her back. 

Why was Moses writing this? Moses was not writing a command to divorce. Moses was not writing reasons for marriages to end. Rather, Moses was making it plain that if a man divorced his wife and she became another man’s wife and then that second marriage ended either by divorce or by death the first husband could not take her back. 

Abuse


Not only do we read of polygamy, sexual unfaithfulness, and divorce in the OT, but we also read about abuse. The same Moses who wrote Deuteronomy 24:1-4 also wrote Exodus 21.

Exodus 21:7-11 details a common practice of the day. Women were often sold as slaves, and sometimes those slaves became wives or concubines. This text describes something that was common practice. A man would buy a slave woman, and this woman would become the wife of his son. Sometimes then, the son would find a new wife. Perhaps one that he found to be more attractive, or more pleasing in one way or another. Now, not only does he have two wives, but he would begin to neglect and mistreat his first wife. By diminishing her food, clothing, and “marital rights” , (V.10). This practice was apparently commonplace enough that it warranted a law being written to prevent men abusing their wives by neglecting them when they found someone else. God protects these slave/wives by saying that if their husband diminished their food, clothing, or marital rights they could go out for nothing, meaning they would not need payment for their freedom from being a slave-wife. They would be free from their husband.

What we have seen so far is that God had a beautiful design for one man and one woman to become one flesh, and to hold fast to each other for life. Then, sin entered the world. Like everything else that was pure and holy, we see the stains of sin on the marriages of the Bible. We see polygamy, unfaithfulness, divorce, and abuse. God never wanted it to be this way. 

There may be someone who is reading this in pain. Your pain. Real pain. I want you to know that you are not alone. God Himself knows the sting of divorce (Jeremiah 3:8-10). As we continue our study of this topic, it is my prayer that you will find direction and healing for your soul. 

Biblical Marriage: Design


**This will be the first in a series of articles covering a very important topic from scripture. I would like to make a request to those who read it. The request is simply this… read it all. Do not just read one article, as it can leave you with an incomplete/invalid view of the teachings of scripture. For those who are willing to commit to reading a series, let’s dive in!
**


As we consider the design of marriage, one thing that should be abundantly clear to all of us is that we cannot allow society to tell us what marriage is supposed to be. Like most things, in our frailty and sinfulness we have distorted what God’s design is. In order to see the design, we need to go to the beginning.

In the creation story in the book of Genesis we read that as God looked upon His creation He saw all that He had made was good.


I often pause to close my eyes and try to imagine what creation would have been like in the beginning. What the clean air would smell like/feel like in your lungs as you breathed it deeply in. What would it be like to be able to be surrounded by all of the animals without fear? I try to fathom what it must have been like for Adam to live each day without any weight of sin/shame. Total union with God and creation. This is truly an awe-inspiring thought. Everything was good… Well, almost everything.


​Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”


The one thing in all of creation that was not good is that man was alone. God’s solution to this situation was not to create more animals for Adam to tend to, or give him more work to do to keep him busy, or even to create someone else who was just like him. God created Eve.

The text says that God made a “helper” for Adam. Some bristle at that terminology and reject it. They view that language as somehow being demeaning to women, or speaking as if a woman’s only purpose in life is to be an assistant to a man. This is far from what is actually being said here in the text.

The Hebrew word translated as “helper” is עָזַר (ʿā·zǎr) which can mean- “one who helps, a support, an aid.” What is important to notice is that this word does not denote inferiority as we might apply to it when we hear “helper”. We know this because Exodus 18:4, Psalm 70:5, and several other passages use this same word to describe God. God is an ʿā·zǎr to his people. God certainly is not inferior to His creation.

The thrust of what is being said in the text is NOT that Adam (the man) is the “important one” and that Eve (the woman) is simply his assistant in life. Rather, the picture of scripture is that just as God helps His creation in ways that they cannot help themselves, Eve was able to do for Adam what he could not do for himself.

Anyone who has been married to a good spouse understands this principle first hand. You compliment one another, have different strengths, and you need one another. I sometimes wonder if my wife needs me half as much as I need her. I am confident that without my savior, I would be lost. I am also confident that in a different sense (but a very real one) without my wife, I would be lost.

In Genesis 2:21-22, we read that God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and took one of his ribs and formed Eve. Upon seeing Eve, Adam recognized that she was “bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh”. She was like him, but different. She wasn’t inferior to him, she wasn’t superior to him. She came from his side. She was an equal part of God’s crowning jewel of creation, and she came to be for Adam what he could not be for himself.

In writing the creation account, Moses here adds the words of Genesis 2:24:


​Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


Moses ends this section of scripture with a point of application. He writes, “therefore”, most of us were taught to always remember that “therefore” is there – for – a – reason. It is connecting the previous thought. Moses is saying, “since it is not good for man to be alone” and “since God has created women to be what man cannot be” and “since woman is an equal part of creation” – a man shall leave father and mother, hold fast to his wife, the two shall become one flesh.

Moses is writing centuries after the creation event unfolded. He is drawing our minds back to the beginning to teach about marriage. Since God created the perfect partner for man, men should leave their family unit behind, and form a new family.

Man is not just to leave father and mother and get married. Rather he is to, “hold fast” to his wife. Literally meaning, “fasten himself to her”, forming a one flesh union. Just as one would “fasten their seatbelts” to make sure they don’t fall out of a rollercoaster through all of it’s ups and downs, twists and turns, husbands and wives are to fasten themselves together. They are in this relationship for the rollercoaster of life. They are to be together in the twists and turns, the ups and the downs. The two, have now become one.

Erasing Our Limits


From the time I was a little boy I have longed for a life without limits. How cool would it be to have the ability to fly? No, not in an airplane, but just be able to fly? How awesome would it be to be able to run forever and not get tired? Can you imagine being able to lift more than anyone else? We love the idea of being able to do incredible things that defy the odds and what most would claim to be impossible. Perhaps you have even been asked the question, “What would you do if you had unlimited money?” We are enamored by the thought of having unlimited abilities, resources, and talents. It allows us to dream big and smile.

I wonder if we dream way too small of dreams when it comes to the church that Jesus built? Do we dream that one day our congregation would have to add on to our building to accommodate new Christians? Do we then remind ourselves that numbers don’t really matter? Do we dream about God using us as His people to shine a light so bright in our community that the world would have no choice but to see that city on a hill? Only to remind ourselves, that people are busy and they probably wouldn’t notice if we did some grand work. Do we pray for that person who has left the faith, in hopes that their heart will turn back to the Lord? Only to add the phrase “if it be your will” to our prayer. We know that we should pray in keeping with God’s will, and allow for God’s will to be different than ours. Jesus did it, we should too. However, if we are really honest with ourselves, we might admit that at least occasionally when we say those words, it is due, in part, to our doubt that God can or will answer what we have asked of Him.

What is the biggest limit to the church being who we were meant to be? What is the biggest hinderance to the borders of the kingdom expanding? What is the biggest reason that our prayers seem to not yield what we hope for? There may be a variety of answers to these questions, and I do not pretend to speak for them all. Allow me to offer one possible answer to these questions.

OUR FAITH IS TOO SMALL:

When you study the Gospel of Matthew, this stands out in a pretty major way. Think with me regarding a few passages of scripture…


Matthew 8:1-4

A man with leprosy approached Jesus and simply said, “If you will, you can make me clean”. Notice what this leper believed about Jesus, if it was Jesus’ will for him to be healed, he would be healed. He was healed.


Matthew 8:5-13

We read of a roman centurion who had obviously heard a lot about Jesus and His abilities. He came to Jesus asking Him to heal a servant. However, he had such faith in Jesus, that he said- “Only say the word and my servant will be healed”. This man believed that if Jesus would simply speak the words, his servant would be healed. Do you remember what happened? Jesus spoke the words and the servant was healed.


Matthew 9:18-26

We see two amazing miracles. One is a woman who had a medical issue that no one could fix, and she believed that if she could only touch the garment of Jesus she would be healed. The other, was a synagogue ruler’s daughter who had died. The father believed that if Jesus could lay his hands on her, she would live again (talk about faith!) What do we see happen? The woman touched the garment of Jesus and she was healed. Jesus grabbed the hand of the ruler’s daughter and raised her back to life!


Matthew 14:34-36

– We see that crowds had gathered around jesus and they believed that if they could just touch His garment, they would be healed. Do you know what happened to every single person who touched His garment? Yep, they were healed.


What is the point of looking back on these incredible accounts of these miracles? There are two main takeaways I want to ask you to think on and consider.

  1. Every person was healed to the point that they believed they would be.

If someone thought that Jesus just had to desire to heal them, then that is what Jesus did. If someone thought they would be healed by the touching His garment, that is what happened. If someone thought that they would be healed by Jesus speaking the word, then Jesus spoke the word. If someone thought that Jesus would heal them by touching them, then Jesus touched them. What is the point? The point is, Jesus always worked in their lives in proportion to their faith. Is it possible that we don’t “see God working” like we wish that we did, because our faith is too small? Because we don’t believe He really will? Because we doubt when we pray? Which leads us to the second big takeaway.

2. We serve that very same God.

We serve the same God who heals the sick, raises the dead, preaches the truth, and saves the world. When you pray today, remember who you are talking to. You are not speaking to an unknown being. You are not speaking a “wish into the air”. You are bringing your requests before the God of heaven. What do you believe God can do through you? Pray big prayers. Pray impossible prayers. Don’t limit the working of God with your small faith.

You may not be able to jump off a building and fly (you can’t, don’t try), you may not be able to lift more than the incredible hulk, or run forever without getting tired. But you have something more incredible than any of those things, a God who wants to hear from you.

Matthew 21:22

22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

Do Your Best: Bible Study


You have likely had someone tell you in the past to “do your best” in the realm of sports, chores, and your work. Maybe these words were spoken as advice to you even as a spouse or a parent. We all know the feeling of approaching a task or a relationship and feeling inadequate for the job. That sinking feeling that even if we did the very best we could do, we still might not do it “right”.

When you consider your Bible study ask yourself the question, “Am I really doing my best?” The question is not, “Do I think that Bible study is important?” The question is not, “Do I believe I should give my best effort in Bible study?” The question is… “Am I REALLY doing the best that I can?”

There are some warning signs that I think we should be aware of. Signs that might tell us that we are not really doing the best that we can. Signs that might tell us that we should start doing better.

Not opening your Bible every single day

If we are not spending time in the word every day, can we really say we are doing our best? Do we eat every day? do we sleep every night? Do we speak to our spouse every day? Do we watch TV each evening? Do we keep up with the news in the world of sports? If you are comfortable going a day without hearing from the Lord, there is a strong possibility that you are not doing your best.

Studying with the conclusions in mind

A book published in 2010 “The Invisible Gorilla” highlights a fascinating study. The short version is that people were told to count the number of times that students passed a basketball back and forth. While the students were passing the ball back and forth a Gorilla appeared beating it’s chest. The majority of the viewers did not even see the Gorilla. They didn’t see the Gorilla because that isn’t what they were looking for. When we study our Bibles looking to prove a point or “defend a position” we are likely to miss a Gorilla or two along the way. True study demands that we approach the text with an open mind, ready to be led wherever it goes, not where we want it to take us.

Placing heavy emphasis on what others believe

I don’t know why we are the way that we are but, we are. Perhaps it is our desire to have validation or maybe it is a shortcut to doing the study for ourselves. Far too often we (including me) are guilty of rushing to a commentary, or to our preacher for explanation. I have a library full of commentaries, they can be very helpful. I have tremendous respect for fellow ministers and I continually seek their counsel. There is certainly nothing wrong with any of that. Where we get into trouble is where we elevate the viewpoints of another for either positive or negative. Example: “Brother _________ believes this so it must be right.” or “_________ believes this so it must be wrong!”. Honest students of scripture will come to terms with the fact that those who they hold in high regard might be mistaken on some things and those whom they hold in low regard might be correct on some things. Who believes something, is not an indicator of truthfulness. Reading from others/seeking counsel is always encouraged. Just don’t allow that to become “the factor” in your study.

Over simplifying

I have encountered many who view every single topic as simple, easy to understand with a clear “right” and a clear “wrong”. There is real danger in this. There is danger in this kind of thinking because it goes against what scripture actually teaches.


2 Timothy 2:15- Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 


As Paul writes to Timothy concerning things that he must remind the church of and charge them with, he also instructs Timothy to use wisdom in avoiding silly controversies and quarrels. How is Timothy to be able to do all of that? By doing his best. If every topic/passage in scripture was simple then Timothy wouldn’t need to do his best. His best would be overkill.

You and I are not Timothy, but I believe the principle would still apply to God’s people, and certainly for ministers. Bible study that takes into account the immediate and remote context, cultural events that are being addressed, political tension that is present in the text, original meaning of the words that were used in the inspired text, and understanding which covenant is being dealt with within each passage of scripture is hard work. Then we must work to understand what the original audience would have understood that passage to teach before we ever attempt to apply it to our lives. Why should we place so much effort into it? Because true study, demands our best.

Over the coming weeks, we will talk more about the “How To” of Bible study. Until then, let’s keep our “thinking caps” on and work to remove the “warning signs” that may have found their way into our life. Let’s be people of the book.

in Him,

Troy

Why We Need to Stop “Using” The Bible


In my last post “Filled with Scripture and Ignorance” we discussed how it is not only possible to be filled with Bible verses and ignorance at the same time, but discussed the fact that it is quite common. If you have not read that post first, please go back to that one then come back here. We discussed in that post how Jesus spoke to the Jews in John 5 concerning the fact that they searched the scriptures… But they missed the fact that the scriptures were talking about Him.

This is a real and present danger that Christians face today, where we can search the scriptures, and still miss the point. What a terrifying thought! I know that I have been guilty of it in the past, and I would bet that many of you have been as well. Since we know that it is a problem… what do we do about it?


In future articles we will be discussing some principles for good Bible study to help keep us on the right track. But first, I wanted to spend a little more time dealing with why this topic matters so much.


What is meant by the title of this article? Stop using the Bible?!? Let me assure you that I am not, nor would I ever, encourage someone not to read, study, or apply the Bible. What I am suggesting is that we change our mindset, and we stop “using” the Bible. Stop the endless search for “proof texts” to prove that our “positions” are correct and others are wrong. (Side Note: Let’s stop “taking positions” in the first place. Let us strive to always be true to the text regardless of what that means for “our position”. We aren’t defenders of positions, we are proclaimers of the Gospel.)

Throughout my ministry I have been asked many questions concerning faith. Some of those questions can be quite revealing. Questions such as:

“What is a verse that proves Baptism is for the forgiveness of sins?”

“What scripture do I need to show my friend who believes that Hell isn’t real?”

How can I prove that God is real?”

“Which passage of scripture can I use to prove why the _________ church is wrong in their beliefs?”

These questions, and many like them have been asked repeatedly. I appreciate so much the love that many have for their friends and for God. Their desire to follow God, and teach others about His will is admirable, and we need more people like them in the church. However, there is a fundamental problem with all of these questions… They begin with the conclusion in mind.

When you begin “searching scripture” knowing exactly the answer that you are looking for, you are likely to find a verse that affirms your belief. Without fail, this leads to abuse of the text. I want to submit that we reframe the way we approach the Bible in study. We no longer “use” the Bible. Rather, we open our heart to it.

What does it mean to open your heart to the Bible? First and foremost, it means that you are willing to admit that you may be wrong in what you believe regarding a particular subject. Ask yourself honestly, “Might I be wrong about______?” If you conclude that there is no way you could be wrong, close your Bible. Individuals who “use” the Bible destroy their credibility in the eyes of all who hear them. Humble your mind, open your heart, and study.

There are many compelling reasons to reframe our approach and move far, FAR away from “using the Bible”, But for our purposes here, I want to deal with one reason.

“Using” the Bible, keeps us from seeing what God wants us to see

Often times in our effort to prove a point or to make a stand, we can strip passages from their true meaning, which is always far greater than the point we are attempting to make. More than 10 years ago, I attended a men’s conference that had a powerful theme, “Standing in the Gap”. The point of the conference was simple. There is a leadership void within the church today and God is looking for men to step up, to be leaders, to fill the gap. Don’t be like the people we read about in Ezekiel, because no one would step up and fill that gap!

It was a great weekend. There were some inspiring lessons that helped stir my heart and challenged me to be a better man. I have often wondered if the men who based their conference on Ezekiel 22:30 knew what the passage was and was NOT saying.


Ezekiel 22:30 ESV

30 And I sought for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found none.


This text was “used” to talk about God searching for someone to stand up and build, to stand in the gap (breach) of the wall, but no one would. No one would do what needed to be done. Today, we have many things that need to be done, God is looking for men to stand in that gap. It’s a good sentiment, certainly there are many things that need to be done, and few who are willing to do it. However, that isn’t what is taking place in Ezekiel. Let’s explore it briefly.

In J.R.R. Tolkein’s series, “The Lord of The Rings” he depicts a battle scene at a strong fortress known as “Helm’s deep”. The good guys knew that they were severely outnumbered. So they retreated to this strong hold. They set their archers up on the wall of Helm’s Deep and hoped for the best. Once the enemy was able to breach the wall, it seemed all hope was lost and the casualties began to pile up. Once they could no longer keep the evil outside, but it came inside the result was lot’s of pain and death. In the context of this passage in Ezekiel we know that the walls of Israel had been breached by sin.

Ezekiel was written a few years after Babylon began its seige on Israel. It’s around the time period of Daniel 1. Israel has already taken some major hits, and is about to fall completely. Ezekiel was in one of the first groups to be led away from Israel, and so the setting of Ezekiel is a dark one. We read earlier in chapter 22 of some of the many sins that Israel had allowed to go unchecked. Sins such as: The shedding of blood, disobedience to parents, extortion, various sexual sins etc. They were in a mess Then came the most grievous of all their sin, they had forgotten God (Ezekiel 22:12).

God was angry, He was brokenhearted. He couldn’t stand to see His children turn their back on Him and give their hearts to the world. He sought for one who could turn the tide.

Let’s examine the language of this text again.


Ezekiel 22:30 ESV

30 And I sought for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found none.


What was God searching for? Someone who would “build up the wall” someone who would “stand in the breach”… But notice what was significant about this posture the one who would stand in the breach would be standing Before God and for the land. Keep in mind that the destruction that was happening to Israel was happening because of their sin. God gave Israel over into the hands of their enemies. God sought for one who could stand “before Him” on behalf of, or “for” the land. In other words, who could stand between God (The oppressor) and Israel? The answer? No one.

This text is not an indictment against Israel saying that there were no good men left. In fact, at the time of this statement, Ezekiel, Daniel, and Jeremiah were all living. God was not saying that there were “no good men” God was saying, there was no one who could do what needed to be done in order to save them from destruction. What was it that needed to be done? Standing between God and the people. Someone that could take God’s wrath and spare the people. Someone who could be “in the middle”. Sound like anyone we know of? Jesus, the Christ. You see, what Israel lacked then, we do not lack now!

Now, If we strip this text down to teach that we need “real men who will stand in the gap” we are placing emphasis on ourselves, and our ability to stand in this gap. However, the text is clear… Even God’s chosen spokesmen could not do what needed to be done. For you and I, thousands of years removed from that story we can look back on that passage and rejoice in Jesus because we have someone who has stood in that gap for us, doing what we could not.

When we “use” the Bible, we often miss the true beauty of what God has revealed. Let us resolve to stop “using” the Bible, and approach this precious collection of books that God has given to us with an open heart and a humble mind.

in Him,

Troy